Until now I've never really written out my story about how MS frist challenged me and I guess this is because I always felt more comfortable writing poetry. However, after encouragement from friends to share this journey in story form - here I am writing.

It is over twenty-two years now since the strange symptoms of MS began to change my life and at that time our four children were only about two, three, six and seven. Initially, an unexpeted fall landed me in the hospital and after two weeks of tests and rest I was told I was probably suffering from exhaustion, so I should go home and take it easy - with four young children if you don't mind.

Life went on as normal as possible for the next couple of months and then I began having strange symptoms again, particularly extreem fatigue, loss of bowel control and vertigo. I was very reluctant to return to the doctor again so I struggled on for weeks, before I finally gave in to a trip to my doctor. This one trip grew into many trips and many doctors and I was finally given some kind of steroid pills. No diagnosis was given, but the healing began and within months I was feeling well again.

About a year later I was encouraged to run for a position on our local School Board and I was pleasantly surprised when I won the election in October of 1979 and became the first woman elected to the Cape Breton County School Board. I enjoyed the challenge of this position and was still able to spend a great deal of time at home with our family.

During my term on the board I shared a lot and learned a lot, especially about the new work being considered in the school system for children with learning disabilities (I don't like this word, because I believe we all have abilities). I took a particular interest this this area of schooling because our youngest son had been born with Chiari Malformation and was facing learning challenges that we continually worked on overcoming. I am happy to say that a lot of progress was achieved both with our son and within the school system.

In the spring of 1980 I experienced a number of gall bladder attacks and eventually landed in the hospital with a gallstone blocking my bile duct. The details of this experience are truly out of this world, and I'm not talking Star Wars. After spending time on life-support machines I eventually had extensive surgery including removal of my gallbladder. Nevertheless, I lived to write some poetry about those days and to continue enjoying our family, working with the School Board and various volunteer activities.

In 1981 the strange symptoms of MS re-occurred and a meeting with optic neuritis and partial paralysis on my right side left me with double vision in more ways than one (one peanut butter sandwich suddenly became two). My husband joked about it saying, "Aren't you lucky, now you can see two of me." His sense of humor lightened a very dark situation. He brought me to the hospital as soon as the children were off to school that morning and following a number of test the early diagnosis was a "brain tumor." My husband was advised to prepare our family for the worst and I was advised to write my will. I was only 32 years old and I did not want to die, or even to face the possibility of death and leaving my young family.

The weeks and months that followed were certainly a time of challenge for our family. However, further testing and longer stays in the hospital determined that whatever type of lesion was showing up on my brain was not operable. I was left in quite a stew of uncertainty and it was not one that I digested well.

From this time on I continued to experience the usual symptoms of MS and it was eventually suggested that this may be the challenge I was now facing. So I began to read all I could about MS and to do my best to take better care of my health, eating more healthy, getting regular exercise as much as I could manage and praying for guidance and healing.

The uncertainty of my diagnosis was finally settled in 1985. There was no MRI machine in our local hospital, but a CAT scan was done and this along with the symptoms and other testing eventually led to the diagnosis of MS in 1985. By this time I was not really surprised and was mainly interested in doing what I could to help myself improve. I was given a low fat, low cholesterol diet to follow and my neurologist suggested taking evening primrose oil as a supplement that may possibly help me. I continue to eat low fat/low cholesterol and take evening primrose oil, along with a daily multivitamin.

In time I joined the closest MS support group in our area and found a lot of support and encouragement there. For a number of years I served on the executive of this group and I still continue to help with fundraising. In 1998 I joined a couple of online support groups and I've met a lot of very caring people this way and have learned a lot about how our attitudes can change our lives. Personally, prayer, meditation and writing poetry have become like rays of golden sunshine woven through the scattered threads of my life, becoming as natural to me as breathing.

Sure there have been lots of really challenging days and I recall one particular day in 1989 that I was crawling up our basement stairs, crying as I crawled. My legs just wouldn't hold me up and I was really struggling with this latest setback. I could feel the fear of worsening symptoms begin to overwhelm me, so I decided it was time for a rest before our children arrived home from school. I found my way to bed and I picked up a pen and paper and began to write. The poem I was gifted with that day helped me immensley over the coming years and in sharing it with others they have found it a source of comfort and encouragement too. You may like to read this poem at the following link: The Shadow

Have these things helped? Well, I think they have. I don't do cart wheels, but I'm now able to enjoy a life-giving walk in the early morning, about five days a week when the MS is less active. The walking has certainly helped to strengthen my legs considerably and I thank God the moment I open my eyes in the morning and I see the light of a new day.

Facing the challenge of MS is an individual experience and no two people are the same. My quest for wholeness has led me on a deeply spiritual journey. I've grown in many ways that I doubt I would have grown if I did not face the challenge of MS.

Because our children felt that I have some valuable insights to offer other people, our two oldest children, Ralph and Andrea, got me started on the internet and helped me learn that I could create web pages. These pages are my humble way of sharing with you, so that your life may be enriched because our paths have crossed on this journey of living.

Life-changing
"Like the butterfly that struggles
to break free of its cacoon,
we work through the trials of MS
in our own life-changing way.
May God bless you
and gently heal you
where you are
most in need of healing,
I humbly pray.

(c)Viola Doncaster, July 25, 2000 (Revised Sept. 8/00).

I'm Alive

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